Friday, 4 December 2015

Translation: You Owe Me Your Draft! (拖了稿兮你要還) by Li Mu Cuo (林無措) (Complete) (5 stars)




Dear readers,

Apologies for the hiatus! Fell very sick in November and had to take a leave of absence from my blog.

Will slowly get into the groove again.

As a present, I have translated this perfect short love story between a lazy genius type male writer and a hardworking female editor!

Enjoy! 


love,
decembi

Summary


Can a draft be eaten: Did you order the takeout to my house? Thanks.

Selective blindness: Draft!

Can a draft be eaten: Next time order the beef brisket noodles. I don't like sour vegetables.

Selective blindness: Draft!

Can a draft be eaten: Oh, can you help me hire a household helper? My clothes are still soaking in a pail of face-wash like substance.

Selective blindness: Draft!

Can a draft be eaten:... this must be automatic reply. When you return and see this, also call a mechanic for me. My washing machine at home has been spoilt for a long time. 

Selective blindness: Can you be even more shameless? Can you can you can you? Draft you jerk!

Can a draft be eaten: How difficult is it to make a telephone call. I need to concentrate on writing my draft.


The story


   Mister Lu is a mystery novel writer who never checks his mailbox. He is also a household idiot and naturally missed the notice in his mail informing him that his editor had changed. 

  Miss Cai is an easily irritated workholic magazine editor. She is also a household skills genius who loves to stay at home. Thus, she naturally became the sacrifice to chase for the drafts.

   Above is what is called the narrative background.

  Below is a chat log. From Mister Lu's computer. 

  This was a day in which passions started brewing. 


  [9.30 AM]


 Selective blindness: Master Lu, have you returned from your work trip? Please send this week's draft and personal column to my inbox.

Selective blindness: AFK (away from keyboard) is also no use. I know that you are there. I want to see a draft in half an hour.

Selective blindness: ...... An hour has already passed!

Selective blindness: Two hours!

Selective blindness: Draft you jerk! Do you want to miss your deadline for the second time this year?!

......

   Recently in these few months, such angry howls will appear every half an hour, from Monday to Saturday, no matter the weather. Mister Lu felt a little guilty and was considering if he should change his nickname.

  It looks like he may have gotten too used to dragging his drafts, if not why would Editor Little C who only used to chase him for his drafts three days before the deadline suddenly be so hardworking until it caused his hair to stand? Mister Lu stretched his lazy waist and decided he will first stop the continuous howling from that side. 




 [11.30 am]

Can a draft be eaten: I will start writing after I finish cooking a bowl of noodles.

Selective blindness: ......! Jerk! The deadline is tomorrow!

Can a draft be eaten: I know.

Selective blindness: Five thousand words for the novel and a thousand words for the column! Quickly! 

  Can a draft be eaten:......

[3.30 pm]

Can a draft be eaten: Written finish.

Selective blindness: Master Lu, you are too handsome!

Selective blindness: Why is there only a personal column?!

Can a draft be eaten: I had to cook, wash my clothes and write. Accept it.

Selective blindness: =口=

Selective blindness: Fine, I give you half an hour to cook your noodles, throwing your clothes into the washing machine then drying it would also be half an hour, isn't there still three hours?!

Can a draft be eaten:...... to clarify, these three things were occurring at the same time. Also, the clothes were hand washed.

Selective blindness: Then the four hours left?

Can a draft be eaten: ......

Can a draft be eaten: The noodles were burnt, the clothes were mixed together and faded colour, my hands were wet and spoilt the keyboard. I had to blow it dry for a long time with a hairdryer. 

Selective blindness...... are you a household idiot?

Selective blindness: Do you believe that I will publish this chat log? Your readership will drop by half. No! Drop completely!

Can a draft be eaten: ...... I am going out for lunch.

Selective blindness: Sit down! Dry your hands! Open Word!

Can a draft be eaten: Should I go to the city to eat or eat something simple downstairs?

Selective blindness: Hand up the draft! If not I will deduct your manuscript fees! Publish your identity card photograph on the magazine cover! Hack into your computer!

Can a draft be eaten: I want to eat wonton noodles but I guess I will just eat fried rice.

......

   Miss Cai's head dropped onto her computer table, her fingers had scratched out clear lines on the wall.

  Who asked you to be an editor! Who asked you to have a matured woman's heart towards art!

  Within five minutes, from doubting her life's goal to wanting to take revenge on society to putting down the knife and gaining enlightenment, she finally gritted her teeth and called her colleagues to find out the address of an alien who kept dragging his manuscripts.

[4 pm]

Can a draft be eaten: Did you order the takeout to my house? Thanks.

Selective blindness: Draft!

Can a draft be eaten: Next time order the beef brisket noodles. I don't like sour vegetables.

Selective blindness: Draft!

Can a draft be eaten: Oh, can you help me hire a household helper? My clothes are still soaking in a pail of face-wash like substance.

Selective blindness: Draft!

Can a draft be eaten:... this must be automatic reply. When you return and see this, also call a mechanic for me. My washing machine at home has been spoilt for a long time. 

Selective blindness: Can you be even more shameless? Can you can you can you? Draft you jerk!

Can a draft be eaten: How difficult is it to make a telephone call. I need to concentrate on writing my draft.

[10 pm]

Can a draft be eaten: Which company is the household helper from? Very fierce expression.

Selective blindness: ......

Can a draft be eaten: But very skilled. So young but able to fix the washing machine, clean the house and make dinner - the red grilled fish with brinjal tasted really good!

Selective blindness: !!!!!!

Can a draft be eaten: But when I talked to her, she didn't really bother about me. Why is she so gloomy?

Selective blindness:...... Your fees for the personal column is deducted! Already deducted!

Can a draft be eaten: Speaking of which, that household helper didn't ask me for money. After quickly finishing up, she opened the door and left. Can you help me make a telephone call again tomorrow, I will return the money to her.

Selective blindness: AK47! Quickly type! Battle!

Can a draft be eaten:...... why are you so short tempered?

A passionate day thus passed.

[8 am]

Selective blindness: Draft!!!

Can a draft be eaten: I am going to prepare breakfast.

Selective blindness: Stop! Take your money. Go downstairs and eat.

Can a draft be eaten: Going out wastes too much time. I am rushing the draft.

Selective blindness: If I let you cook, you will cook till the next year!

Can a draft be eaten: ...... very hurting the pride.

Can a draft be eaten: If you let me practise a few more times, I will definitely learn it.

Selective blindness: Didn't you practise since you were born? You must have already burnt down a few kitchens already?

Can a draft be eaten: ..... Actually, I even specially registered for a cooking class previously. I wanted to cook something new for Miss Zhang to eat one day. But, the teacher also told me to enter the kitchen less.

Selective blindness:...... fine.

Can a draft be eaten: ?

[10 am]

Can a draft be eaten: Full, I will now start to write the draft.

Can a draft be eaten: The household helper still didn't collect my money. She even taught me how to cook noodles and prepared a warm lunch in the kitchen.

Selective blindness:.... if you are full, start writing the draft.

Can a draft be eaten: You still haven't told me the name of the company. I want to write a letter commending her.

Can a draft be eaten: Her expression wasn't as fierce today. When she was teaching me, she was very patient, I feel like I have truly learnt.

Selective blindness:...... Open Word. I want to see the draft at 3 pm.

Can a draft be eaten: What do you think I should ask her to teach me for lunch tomorrow? I think if this continues I will very quickly become a master.

Selective blindness: .... Draft you jerk! Are you illiterate or don't understand English? If you have eaten finished, go and write the draft. Stop talking nonsense!!!

[Several days after the incident]

Can a draft be eaten: Today, the household helper cooked sweet and sour ribs and even prepared a soup. As usual, it was very delicious. I learnt how to fry an omelette. Although I wasted an entire carton and was glared by her several times.

Selective blindness: Draft!

Can a draft be eaten: Why don't you just give me the telephone number of the company of the household helper directly? Then I don't have to trouble you every time to call her for me.

Selective blindness: Draft!

Can a draft be eaten: Today, I cooked noodles for breakfast and prepared portions for two people! When she ate it, she seemed to smile. Actually, when she smiles, she is quite good looking.

Selective blindness: Draft!

Can a draft be eaten: I realised that she is actually living in the same area as I am! In the opposite building! Every night she would go downstairs for a stroll and walk her collie.

Selective blindness: Draft!

Can a draft be eaten: Why do you think a household helper can be so free? I don't seem to see her going out to work, except for my place.

Selective blindness: Are we actually having the same conversation? Draft! Flip Table!!!

......

[One particular day after the brewing of the passion is sufficient]

[11.40 am]

Can a draft be eaten: I seem to have a fever. My head aches. I will submit my draft a day later.

Selective blindness: I stopped believing in this excuse on the third day of my internship.

Selective blindness: Hey!

Selective blindness: Don't hide underground. Show yourself you jerk.

Selective blindness:...... really sick?

[3.50 pm]

Can a draft be eaten: Little C, I am much better. Did you tell her I fell sick? When she came she brought medicine.

Can a draft be eaten: The century egg meat porridge she cooked was very delicious. I have decided to learn this. I don't know if it's my mistaken impression but she seemed to be more gentle today. Ah, it must be a mistaken impression.

Can a draft be eaten: Little C, when I was changing the name for you, I realised that your name is actually "The Vegetable Sword is Not Useless" [It's a pun on her chinese name, basically implying her editor skills is still good! It should be translated as Cai Knife instead but I thought Vegetable Sword would be cuter.]

Editor is a good person: ...... !!!!!!

Editor is a good person: Little C has resigned for half a year! I am Vegetable Sword you Jerk! Is there such a writer like you? Your editor changed for half a year and you don't even know!

Can a draft be eaten: ......

Editor is a good person: I am angry.

Can a draft be eaten: I, I promise to finish up the draft in half an hour!

[5.30 pm]

Can a draft be eaten: I've sent it to your inbox!

Can a draft be eaten: Vegetable Sword, don't be angry. I still have to rely on you calling her on the telephone for me. When I have mastered the dish, I will cook for Miss Zhang to eat.

Can a draft be eaten: Vegetable Sword Vegetable Sword? Why did you suddenly go offline?

Can a draft be eaten: Nevermind, I will find her myself tomorrow. She seems to live on the third floor.

Can a draft be eaten: Vegetable Sword, I just saw her go downstairs the building and she went out with a gentle looking man.

Can a draft be eaten: I suddenly feel a little melancholic. I will not write the draft first.

[ 3 am]

Editor is a good person: You want to die? Why are you online at 3 am! Go and sleep if not you cannot submit your draft tomorrow.


Can a draft be eaten: My heart feels ridiculously blocked. I can't sleep. Aren't you the same?


Editor is a good person: I was forced to go for matchmaking by my brother.

Can a draft be eaten: Until midnight?! Vegetable Sword, did you matchmake with a whole truckload of guys?

Editor is a good person: Get lost!

Editor is a good person: I just couldn't sleep when I returned home. Aren't you supposed to cook for someone tomorrow. Go to sleep.

Can a draft be eaten: Ah, Vegetable Sword, I will not be online tomorrow. I will send you the draft at night.

Editor is a good person: Goodnight.

[6.50 pm]

Can a draft be eaten: I'm back. Miss Zhang was very happy and praised me. I decided to cook more dishes for Miss Zhang to eat. But, when I came home, I saw her with that guy again, they looked like they had a lot to talk and laugh about.

Editor is a good person: Ah.

Can a draft be eaten: Vegetable Sword, you are actually not rushing for drafts.

Editor is a good person: En (affirmative sound in chinese).

Can a draft be eaten: Your mood is not good?

Editor is a good person: A little.

Can a draft be eaten: Vegetable Sword, if I didn't remember wrongly, you also live at S city?

Editor is a good person: Why?

Can a draft be eaten: I shall treat you to dinner and supper. My mood isn't good today too. Actually, it's completely abysmal.

Can a draft be eaten: Meet at the head of Z Sector 316 Street. It's ok to go to a food stand?! I am leaving the house.

Editor is a good person:...... Eh

Editor is a good person:...... you really left?


  The golden light from the street lamps gently complemented the night, letting one feel that the early autumn night was cool and comfortable.

   The food stand at the corner of the street was crowded and bustling with noise. The delicious aroma of ribs wafted in the air, accompanying the sound of laughter and the crisp clink of glass cups against each other. 

   Mister Lu sat at the outermost table as he poured beer into his cup. The three small dishes were already ready. Under the glimpses of light there came a shade of light beige, he lifted his head to see a familiar person stand before him. An old but comfortable low necked woollen coat, around the collar was delicate flower patterns, just like her person.

  Before he could react in surprise to this amazing chance meeting, his heart was suddenly forcefully struck - a strange feeling overwhelmed him, he could hear the beat of his heart in his ears.

  "Vegetable Sword?" Although he hadn't drunk any beer, the voice that came out of his mouth carried a faint drunk hoarseness.

  This was the day that the passion broke loose.

[9 am]

Can a draft be eaten: Vegetable Sword, I have sent the draft for next week in your inbox!!!

Can a draft be eaten: Also the serial drafts for the next two months have been sent!!!

Can a draft be eaten: All the wrong words have been fixed!!!

Can a draft be eaten: This morning, I have already cooked noodles, fried an omelette and made porridge. If you don't reply me, I will bring these all to your house!!

Can a draft be eaten: I know that you are there. Don't think you can just AFK (away from keyboard). In half an hour, if you don't reply, I will treat it as consent!!!

[9.30 am]

Can a draft be eaten:...... how are you feeling? Does it still hurt?

Can a draft be eaten: I know I am a jerk. Please reply me.

Can a draft be eaten: I was drunk last night, but I know what I did. I won't apologise.

Can a draft be eaten: Vegetable Sword, I like you.

Can a draft be eaten: Miss Zhang is my mother. I often call her that as a joke. Please don't misunderstand.

Can a draft be eaten: The guy you often go out with must be your brother right? Don't go with him to matchmake anymore.

Can a draft be eaten: It has already been half an hour. I will now go to your house. Reach in three minutes!

......

Editor is Vegetable Sword: Stop!!...... Send me the personal columns for the next two months! I give you three hours!

Can a draft be eaten: Vegetable Sword?

Editor is Vegetable Sword: If you don't write finish, don't come over!

Can a draft be eaten: !!!

[10.30 am]

A draft can actually save a life: Finish! Sent! I even checked for wrong words.

My lovely Vegetable Sword: You are not allowed to drag drafts in future!

My lovely Vegetable Sword: ...... I told my brother two days ago that I will not be going for matchmaking in future.

My lovely Vegetable Sword:..... where are you jerk? Listen to me finish first! I deduct one year's  worth of draft fees!

The clean crisp ringing of the bell. Miss Cai went to open the door.

  Outside, stood a tall man in a grey coat who was lightly panting, he had even worn the household slippers he wore at home out. In his hand was a bag full of lunch boxes and a warm thermos flask, his gaze was very bright, with a warm smile, "I want to request for the editor to personally accompany me for 24 hours to chase my drafts. The price is my draft fees for a lifetime."









Comments: So funny, sweet and warm. Loved it.

50 comments:

  1. Oohhh thank you so much for this decembi, you made a sick person's morning so much better~

    I am glad you are feeling better O(≧∇≦)O

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    Replies
    1. I hope you get better too :) thanks so much for your well wishes!

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  2. Sparklingdawnlights4 December 2015 at 03:59

    Awww, what a cute story!

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    Replies
    1. Glad you liked it! I think the couple is adorable!

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  3. Funny....funny....I love it! Made me smile for long at the end.....take care of yourself.....

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    Replies
    1. Thanks for the well wishes! The end is my favourite too!

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  4. Replies
    1. Oh the context is that they probably got really drunk and had a one night stand, definitely not that he forced himself on her or it was non consensual!

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  5. Thank you....the story was cute.....reread a few times to understand who is who though....take good care of yourselve...

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    Replies
    1. Awww thanks for the well wishes! Glad you found it cute!

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  6. The story's really cute!! You always manage to find good short stories :) Oh dear, I hope you're feeling all better! Take good care of yourself :)

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    1. I usually only decide to translate them when I still like them after a few months! Haha. I was supposed to do a list of recommended short stories but then life! Haha. Thanks so much dear :)

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  7. I reread this story a few times! Its really cute! Hahaha and please take care of yourself! ><

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    1. Thank you Elaine <3 I had kits of fun translating it too

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  8. Draft! Flip table!! I was laughing so hard at that. It is so funny and this short story is really cute. I really love chat/email conversation stories. Thank you very much! I hope you are feeling well now. We will wait for you patiently. ^^

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    Replies
    1. Haha! I had to research a few of the Internet chat slang to grasp certain phrases. Thanks so much for waiting!!!

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  9. Thank you, decembi. Ah .... want to say , "Merry Christmas!!!! "

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    Replies
    1. Hahaha! aww I'm sure I will post something else for Christmas too

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  10. Thanks so much! Ahhh, smiling so much while reading. This is sooo sweet....perfect for this time of year <3333

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    1. I know right! Heehee. I just realised that my blog turned 2 years old on 2 Dec as well (gosh how frazzled my brain has been). So it's extra sweet <3

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  11. thanks so much decembi! It's nice to have you back and all healthy again :)

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    Replies
    1. Awwww thanks so much Non2. I feel very blessed with all the well wishes!

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  12. Thank you :) ....and hope you get well soon...

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    Replies
    1. Thanks a lot! Yes, will get back into the groove slowly :)

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  13. christmas came early!! Hope you get better soon and if feeling guilty brings us gems like this ... please continue to be a bit more guilty teheheeh

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    Replies
    1. Hahaha! Glad you enjoyed this Natalie. Hope to do something nice for Christmas as well <3

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  14. I guess my comment got deleted somehow.
    Welcome back~~~~ I'm glad you are getting better now.
    Thank you for the story; it was a lovely read.

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    1. Thanks for the well wishes <3 it's a cute read right haha?

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  15. Thank you for translating this adorable story. :) I ended up reading this three times because it was soooo cute :D

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    1. Welcome! Thanks for reading and I read it many times too ;)

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  16. omg this is such an adorable story. tysm for translating it!
    can you please recommend other short stories like this one?

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    Replies
    1. Translated ones or in Chinese?

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    2. simplified chinese, please. thanks~!

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    3. When I have time, I will post up a list!

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    4. aww yay~ looking forward to it!

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    5. Haha sorry I haven't had the time yet! But it's on my to do list :)

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  17. Happy New Year Decembi! This short story is so cute. Hope you are feeling much better now.

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    Replies
    1. Happy new year Moonblossom! Apologies for the very late reply. Life was just too overwhelming. Thank you so much for the well wishes. I wish you a great start of the year <3

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  18. Thanks for your translated .This stroy is so cute I love it. I hope it will happen in my life too. LOL

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  19. thanks---,
    aw, that was so cute---! ahaha, ship! it was adorable! that poor editor though, ahaha!

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    Replies
    1. Lol! Hopefully the rest of her life will be smooth sailing now ;)

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  20. |  THANKS FOR THE CHAPTER!!!
    | ̄""'、
    |ω` l
    ⊂  ;゙  
    |   /
    |U"" Just found jem love it, quite fun story thanks (´。• ᵕ •。`) ♡

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