Wednesday, 21 May 2014

Hua Xu Yin Fanfiction: My Ending For Song Ning




  Thank you everyone for your warm encouragement for my alternative ending for Shen An. With that encouragement, I decided to also write my alternative ending for Song Ning which was inspired by the Da Mo Yao theme song, White Haired Poem/Song (click here).

  I can't take credit for what I have written below, for many of these words below are Tang 7's words, only re-imagined by me, for Song Ning. 

“倘若命运要被虚无的东西左右,这虚无至少要强大得能够具体,比如信仰,比如权力,而不是一个梦境。” 

"If destiny must be controlled by nothingness, this nothingness must at least be strong enough to take form, for example faith, or strength, and not only remain a dream state." - Jun Fu 

她说:“君拂,爱一个人这样容易,恨一个人这样容易。”

"She said: 'Jun Fu, Loving someone is so simple, hating someone is also so simple.'" 



  Jun Fu and Xiao Lan are already in Song Ning's dreamscape:

(i) 

   When Shen An entered the waterside pavilion, he was surprised to see an elegantly dressed man reading a book with a writing brush behind his ear and more shockingly, a tiger sitting next to him. 

  Jun Wei lifted up his head and scrutinised this stranger up and down. "From your obnoxious eyebrows, you must be Song Ning's husband."

  Shen An lifted up one of his brows, "And you are?"

  "I am a novelist," Jun Wei smiled, then stroke the tiger next to him, "I must say that your story with Song Ning is pretty epic, provides for good inspiration."

  Shen An took a step forward and spoke icily, "Who are you to Song Ning?"

  "A mere passerby and yet one of the few who would send her off on her last journey," Jun Wei said as the tiger growled at Shen An, "Good Xiao Hu, Good Xiao Hu."

  "Last journey?" Shen An asked, his eyes slightly dazed as if a quiet dread was slowly revealing itself in his eyes. 

  "Yes, Song Ning doesn't have much longer to live anyways, so she has traded the last remnants of her life for a good dream," Jun Wei said slowly, watching Shen An carefully, "But why do you care? It's a bit too late to want to open your eyes and ears now after seven years."

  "Or have you finally realised who the true heroine is?" Jun Wei laughed, "Who rode a horse for days, tossed thousands of corpses, to find you in the wasteland of death? Who hugged you in the cold, and in the darkness and fear, she cried, 'Shen Ah, I am scared'."

  Shen An did not speak. 

  "I guess the two of you make a perfect pair, one deaf and one mute," Jun Wei said, nodding thoughtfully.

  Jun Wei was a swordsman, but he prided himself as having killed more people with words instead, "Or are you blind instead? She has never hated you, and there will be no other girl in this world, who will love you as she did."




(ii)

  It was late at night, all the guests had left. Song Ning sat next to Shen An's coffin and her words slowly drifted off into the evening wind, "Finally, it's just the two of us."

  She paused, her hand fell to her stomach, "And, our baby, Shen An, our baby."

  I stepped into the hall, my footsteps caused Song Ning to raise her head, "Shen An?"

  "Song Ning," I smiled, "I have come to walk you out of this dream state."

  Song Ning laughed, "To where, Jun Fu? To a heartbreaking existence outside? To lonely sleepless nights?"

  Song Ning gave a half smile, "I rather dream then stay awake all night."

  Song Ning looked at me, her eyes strong and clear like the morning spring, "Jun Fu, what makes reality more precious than dreams?"

  I paused, then said, "Shen An is still alive out there. And, he loves you."

 Song Ning laughed, "The Shen An I loved and whom loved me was always just my imagination."

  "Song Ning, this dream state is only your past flowing again," I explained, "There will be nothing new unless you overcome the demon in your heart."

  Song Ning stroke her stomach, "There's nothing left for me in that future. If I can, I want to watch Shen Luo grow up again."

  Since I had killed Shen An already, I might as well go for the kill again. I looked at Song Ning and said truthfully, "Song Ning, I don't know where the souls of those who die in their dreams go, but I don't think they go to heaven. If you want to see Shen Luo again, he won't be here."

  Song Ning froze, and then suddenly she covered her ears. 

  I looked up, startled, as I heard Shen An's voice booming through the dream state like tremors of an earthquake, "Song Ning, wake up! Wake up!"

  I never thought that voices from the outside would be able to enter a dream state, but perhaps his voice entered through a weakness in Song Ning's own heart.

  I asked again, "Song Ning, do you not trust me?" I persisted, "Do you know why you are sad, Song Ning? Because you still hope."

  Song Ning laughed and laughed. It wasn't a happy laughter. It was a laughter she laughed because she could no longer cry. 

(iii)

  When Song Ning woke up, she woke up in Shen An's embrace. 

   Even though she woke up, Song Ning could sense that she did not have much strength left within her. She did not even have the strength to push Shen An away. 

  "Has the sun fallen yet?" Those were Song Ning's first words. 

  Shen An shook his head, "Not yet, but soon."

  "Carry me out," Song Ning said. 

  Mild surprise rippled across Shen An's eyes for a moment, but it disappeared quickly. Shen An carefully carried Song Ning in his arms and walked out to the waterside pavilion.

  Song Ning never had the chance to tell anyone, but when she once thought of marriage, she thought of a married couple watching the sun setting together. It didn't matter what they did in the day, they could be busy with their own activities, but to end the day together, every day, that was what she thought a marriage would be.

  Song Ning gestured for Shen An to place her down on one of the cushioned seats at the outside pavilion. Shen An sat opposite her. 

  They both faced the sky.

  Shen An broke the silence first, "I was wrong."

  There was no response. So, Shen An repeated again, "I was wrong."

   Song Ning turned her head sideways, "I thought I had given up, but it was only when I heard those words that I realised I had always been waiting."

  Song Ning laughed, "How long I have waited."

  She shook her head, "I should have known we had no fate. If we had fate, the first corpse I turned over in the battlefield would have been you. But, I had to turn over two thousand, seven hundred and twenty eight bodies before I found you."

  Shen An paused, then asked Song Ning very lightly, so lightly it was as if the words were evaporating directly into the air, "May I ask, the person who saved me, are you a lady or a gentleman?"

  The sun was setting. Song Ning coughed, and a mouthful of her blood splattered onto her snowy white robes. As if heaven was bleeding too, the sky was a violent red. 

  Shen An took off his outer robe and placed it over her shoulders. 

  Once she started to cough, she could not stop coughing and her blood splattered on Shen An's outer robes. 

  Shen An hugged Song Ning, as if he was pressing down the coughs. But, she continued to cough, and the blood streamed down their robes. 

  Finally, the sun had disappeared, and the fierce redness in the sky muted down to a faint orange.

  There was no more coughing. 

  Shen An patted his hand lightly on Song Ning's shoulder, "If lady doesn't mind, when my injuries are healed, I will go to your house and ask for your hand in marriage."

  Song Ning trembled a little, and slowly her head leaned onto his chest. 

  Shen An couldn't cry and couldn't laugh, he lightly patted her back, "Don't think you can leave me now. Do you think saving me is so easy? Do you think making my heart move is so easy?"

  "You hate me so much, but I have not died yet. How can you die first?" 

  But no one answered him. 


  And that was the last I saw of them, Shen An holding a beautiful, very beautiful woman with white hair, their robes soaked in blood. 




Hua Xu Yin - Shen An's Ending Song Ning's Ending

22 comments:

  1. It's just so sad but to finally have that moment to be in the arms of your beloved is certainly worth all the mistakes you've made till you got it right.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aww, I love what you said. It captures what I wanted to say perfectly. Also, I wrote this because I wanted Song Ning to personally hear Shen An say, "I was wrong."

      Delete
  2. I just love this fanfic- even if it just made me more depress =(
    It is so sad that when Shen ah finally demonstrates his love, she dies. But at least song Ning got to hear the words that she had always wished for... This couple really do have no fate :(

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! :) I hope it also made you feel better though. I thought it would have been quite sad for Song Ning to have left never hearing something kind from the Shen An in the real world.

      Delete
  3. Decembi, i really love your ending.. I mean, i can't imagine they are back together after all those harsh word that Song Ning Said and the rape (no matter what their status are, a rape is still a rape) that Shen An did. That will be awkward.. But deep in my mind i still hope that Song Ning and Shen An can have a proper goodbye, Afterall he used to be her whole world, i don't think a love that deep would be easily forgotten.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hello Bingu, aww thank you. Yes, indeed, "a love that deep" cannot be easily forgotten, and the deeper the love, sometimes also the deeper the hate. Their relationship is such a mix of love, hate and regret and I hoped to capture that ambiguity.

      Delete
  4. "I guess the two of you make a perfect pair, one deaf and one mute," I love that. It was perfect.

    After reading your ending I feel even more sad about their fate, Shen An got to tell Song Ning his sorry. But I hope he feels even more guilty knowing Song Ning died in his arms drenched in her own blood.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sutekii! Haha, you like one of my favourite lines! My favourite character is Jun Wei (lol), so I decided to use him as my proxy to scold Shen An.

      Actually the alternative ending for Song Ning still works chronologically with the alternative ending for Shen An, and I do think when he leaves this world, he left with the thought that if only they could have gone back to that start.

      Delete
    2. and I think it's only entirely appropriate if he had lived 7 years with that thought and guilt in his heart before his death in the war.

      Delete
    3. Hahaha! I love your fierceness agst Shen An.

      Delete
    4. i agree with sutekii...shen an was having it too easy...he needs to be shattered and brojen down just like song ning before death finally claimed him...same goes to lqq

      Delete
    5. Hahaha. I pity Shen An more than anything though. But for LQQ, I agree, only the worst!

      Delete
  5. i laugh and cry after reading this version.
    i loveee jun wei <3 too bad he didn't order xiao huang to bite shen an! LOL

    Oh decembi, you make my eyes teary *sobsob*
    it's just so sad that song ning only get one chance to see sunset with her love.
    i agree with suteki that shen an should spent 7 years with his grief before he died.
    this story makes many of us creating our own fan fiction.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lol! Xiao Huang biting Shen An! Me too! I love Jun Wei.

      Yes! Hua Xu Yin is truly such a heart-rending story. I have not read the other arcs yet actually. Shall wait for hui'er's translations.

      Delete
  6. I read this fictional ending again after re-reading the original ending to Song Ning and Shen An's story, and I realized I was much too emotionally traumatized after reading it the first time around that I didn't write anything. But after reading it again, I just had to tell you how much I love this ending, and how beautifully written it is, and I think it gives the story closure in a way the original didn't. It also stayed true to Tang7's style so well that if the title wasn't a dead giveaway, I would've thought it was some kind of legit epilogue.
    But there were two parts that I found particularly beautifully (and wittily) written. One was when Jun Fu spoke to Shen An ( "I guess the two of you make a perfect pair, one deaf and one mute," "Or are you blind instead? She has never hated you, and there will be no other girl in this world, who will love you as she did.") and the second was ("I should have known we had no fate. If we had fate, the first corpse I turned over in the battlefield would have been you. But, I had to turn over two thousand, seven hundred and twenty eight bodies before I found you.") I think those two parts and the ending where Shen An repeats those words, really make the story come full circle, and gave me the ending I was satisfied with. Thanks so much decembi ! (sorry for the long rant, there's just too much feels haha.)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dear Karma,

      Thank you so much for your comment. Your comment honestly made my day, and will probably make my week or month even hahaha! I've been feeling soooo under the weather that this is like a bright ray of sunlight <3

      I am beyond words happy that my fictional ending could give you emotional satisfaction. I had such a tough time dealing with the ending myself! I was infuriated. My heart was in turmoil. I totally vented to Hui'er and then decided to pen a more satisfying ending for Shen An (how could he not respect Song Ning's wishes??!! How could he not give her ashes back to her brother?). After I wrote the story for Shen An, I actually was inspired to write another ending for Song Ning (who I love to bits) after hearing one of the theme songs for the Da Mo Yao drama (like I wrote above). But, it was only after receiving the encouraging feedback for Shen An's ending, that I decided to pen this down. I'm really happy that you found it true to Tang7's style because I made particular effort to match the stylistic tone of Shen An and Song Ning's story and I picked my favourite verses and moments in the original story but re-mix it up hoping to achieve another kind of emotional resonance. I think Song Ning and Shen An can't turn back time, but at the very least, what needed to be said was said and I could then finally move on. :)

      Delete
    2. I'm so upset that I was never notified of a reply for this, I'm so sorry for the late response! For some reason I wasn't expecting a reply because I know you're incredibly busy, so I was pleasantly surprised when I came back to take a look at the ending again haha.

      First off, I'm so glad my words could help, but they were completely true! I am in total agreement with being pissed off at Shen An for being the same until the end, and not respecting Song Ning's wishes. He was selfish from the beginning until the end, because in a sense, pride and stubbornness is also a kind of selfishness in not wanting to relent to others or admit to being wrong.
      I felt so much comfort and relief in the words that Song Ning was finally able to convey to Shen An in your ending, and honestly, that ending saved him for me. The original made me loathe him until the end, and the pain I felt for the ending was for Song Ning, and not him. I think what hurt the most is that in many stories/novels what most readers look forward to is the character development, not only between characters, but the development of an individual's character and how they make that journey and change for the better (sometimes worse if we're talking about anti-heroes.) In the case of Song Ning and Shen An, they both were so ridiculously stubborn, it stunted their growth, Shen An most of all. And the fact that he didn't do as Song Ning wished made me even angrier, and not the way I assume Tang7 wanted us to feel, because I felt that that was the last chance for Shen An to redeem himself, and he chose to ignore it, and stay that way until the end. I wonder if Tang7 did that intentionally?

      I could probably go on all day about this, but I really wish Tang7 could take a look at this ending because it's written so well, ends the story on the perfect note, and so much more. <3 And after reading it for the umpteenth time, I have again found another favorite line that sent a gorgeous but equally heart shattering visual into my head : And that was the last I saw of them, Shen An holding a beautiful, very beautiful woman with white hair, their robes soaked in blood.

      I don't know how you do it. I'm thinking you could totally find a job in writing novels if you so wanted haha.

      Delete
    3. Dearest Karma,

      Wow! This is like such a lovely surprise. I feel even more honoured that you didn't know I responded but came back to re-read the ending. Awwww. Can I hug you? *hugs*

      I absolutely agree with your analysis of Song Ning and Shen Ah. Jane Austen pretty much captured all love-hate couples - Pride & Prejudice. Both of them had prejudices against each other due to their rivaling kingdoms, but what was interesting is that Song Ning fell in love with Shen Ah because his strength triumphed over her strength (ie, her pride) and she was won over literally by a battle. And, it was that pride and stubbornness that allowed her to turn over thousand of corpses to find him! A more pragmatic, reasonable character arguably won't have had such an epic arc --- but it is also the strength of that pride that stunted the growth of any other character trait. Sigh. I wonder too at Tang7's choice... perhaps it is telling that Shen An did not listen to Song Ning till the very end, their love so powerful, but so one-sided.

      I think writing novels is so very hard! When I tried to write some of my own - Little Moon's Matchmaking Mission and the Sun's Dark Love - it made me realised how really amazing all these writers are! Haha.

      Delete
  7. I think I've finally come to a realization that I'll always be late in replying when I'm not notified of a response. I'm guessing it's because I don't have a blogspot account?
    Anyway, thank you so much for always thoughtfully responding to my long-winded rants haha, I'm sure it's a task orz..
    But I think we've said all we can say about the two, and I completely agree with what you said about it having been one sided until the end, which is really sad and disappointing for Shen An as a character, but of course the flaws are what made him and Song Ning (with her stubbornness )such fleshed out characters. I think it really made all readers have a love-hate relationship with them Haha.

    also, I just had to say, I noticed you started a new novel when it started coming out and I got ridiculously excited , but I remember how on edge I was when little moon's matchmaking mission was coming out, and I was refreshing your site constantly in anticipation, so I'm refraining from reading it until it's finished.... though I don't know how long that will last hahaha.

    And I'll be completely honest, I have second lead syndrome so I couldn't bring myself to read sun's dark love because I could not get over him and his love for yue er /sob. But I also loved Hsiao so much so I guess Im just greedy and wanted somehow for both men to get the girl. But I think that just goes to show how well you wrote them, and I just really wish these short stories could be published cause I know I would definitely buy and collect them. (Even sun's dark love haha)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dear Karma,

      Thank you so much for your wonderful comment. I love reading them ♡♡♡ they are like letters. You can email me too if it's more convenient.

      I think you write and analyse wonderfully and if you ever write fiction or fanfiction, I would love to read :)

      Teehee, I have fervent hopes that you will not be able to resist and will read The Princess Who Cannot Marry. I think this story is so different from the first two and in many ways, this is the greater story of Little Moon where I get to flesh out bits that I hinted in the Little Moon but never, honestly never, thought I would gain a readership encouraging me to continue.

      It really touches me that you love Hsiao and Xi Yang! Omg, I do hope you will read The Sun's Dark Love one day. Or just the palace bits - see chpt 4-7! And chpt 13 for Yue! I wrote in the author's notes that it was a real challenge to be true to Xi Yang and Yue and also to Xi Yang and Wang Huan and I tried my best ♡

      And it's a real dream of mine to be able to have all 3 published as a trilogy!!! I will need to edit Little Moon though. ♡

      Delete
  8. although it was a really short story it was the moving ! this can't compare to Romeo and Juliet! its so tragic and full emotion !!
    I really like the original and this ending ! in the first it was what he deserved ! he was such a arrogant fool and in the second ceause he was so pitfull. both times a fool

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aww thanks for reading my little fanfiction! How true! Both times a fool. Best if both of them don't meet again.

      Delete